How do I Handle This Emotion?

A look at CBT and DBT, and my daily emotional check-in sheet

Processing Big Emotions

How many of us have heard that we are “too emotional?” Even before my pregnancy losses, I was taught to shut my emotions down, that people didn’t need to see how emotional I really was.

But there is no problem with being “too emotional.” In fact, our emotions serve a purpose to support us. And, this is particularly true in pregnancy loss.

Let’s use anxiety as an example. Anxiety began as an adaptive emotion. Anxiety became our internal alarm system to warn us if we were in danger. Back in prehistoric times, anxiety was a signal telling you to run because an animal is hunting you.

Anxiety has become maladaptive because most often, we are not being chased by dangerous animals today. But our anxiety can still signal us to dangers: walking down a dark empty alley at 2am, watching a car drive too quickly past us, or talking to someone who has berated us in the past. Anxiety tells us these situations are dangerous and to get out!

Anxiety becomes maladaptive when we start feeling anxious in very safe situations. Anxiety can also be maladaptive when we continue to perceive threats even though the treat has passed. We get stuck in our anxiety, and we don’t allow ourselves to move through the emotion.

And, this whole process is only magnified when people tell us to shut the emotion down.

There are two useful therapeutic processes that can support us recognizing and moving through our emotions: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

Remember, all of this work should be done with a licensed psychotherapist. This post is meant as an educational tool to help you identify the right psychotherapist for you.

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (also known as CBT) is an evidence-based therapeutic approach. Evidence-based means it has been researched and tested, and has consistently shown to produce effective outcomes. Simply put: we know it works!