Life is All About Plan B

Rerouting after a pregnancy loss

I have a page-a-day calendar in my kitchen. Tearing off the previous day’s page is a typical part of my morning routine, along with putting the kettle on and feeding the dog. It’s become so routine that sometimes I tear the page without really reading the calendar page for the day. This morning, however, the calendar stopped me. It read, “Life is all about plan B.”

When I first became pregnant, pregnancy loss did not enter my mind. Even though I understood the very real risk of pregnancy loss, I never imagined that I would have to suffer that pain. When we become pregnant, we are often excited for the new life we are growing. We are hopeful for the future. Why would we think about death and loss in the time of birth and renewal?

Common emotions are a pregnancy loss include grief, anxiety, depression and trauma. All of these emotions literally rewire our brain. In fact, countless research studies have shown that traumatic stress impacts the amygdala (responsible for forming memories, decision-making, social behavior, and processing fear), hippocampus (responsible for long-term memory formation and spatial recognition), and the prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-awareness, complex planning, executive functions, personality, and modulating social behavior). No wonder we feel lost, confused, stuck, dysregulated, irritable, and isolated after a pregnancy loss!

Rerouting ourselves to Plan B after a pregnancy loss is especially hard once our brain is rewired. So, how do we find our Plan B?