Mindfulness Monday

Coping with invalidation from our providers: A Loving Kindness Meditation

During our pregnancy journey, from trying to conceive, to enduring a pregnancy loss, and even pregnancy after loss, we can encounter many invalidating people. In fact, many people can be downright dismissive of our experience. And sadly, this often comes from our medical providers.

The nurse who said my chemical pregnancy didn’t “count” as a loss. The doctor who wouldn’t clearly tell me if I was miscarrying when there wasn’t a heartbeat at 8 weeks. The other doctor who shrugged after my 11-week loss and said, “there’s nothing else I can do for you. Best of luck.” When in fact, there was so much more she could have done for me.

When our friends and family make disparaging remarks, we often have the opportunity to either respond to their comments in real time, or we can circle back and address it with them later. But we often aren’t granted that same opportunity with our medical providers (or other people we might randomly encounter).

The mark that these individuals leave on us is real. It hurts, it’s invalidating, and sometimes even shame-inducing. In the end, we don’t deserve that treatment. So how do we allow ourselves to heal from them when we can’t address them directly?

I like to turn to a Loving Kindness meditation. This is a helpful meditation that allows us to express love, gratitude, and connection in a safe way. By expressing comfort and safety to ourselves and others, we can improve our emotions, feel more grounded, improve our relationships, decrease anxiety and depression, and even help reduce our physical pain.

Let’s get started.

Sit in a comfortable position. And if it feels comfortable, close your eyes. Start by taking five grounding breaths. Get yourself centered in your present space.

Now, turn your attention to yourself. Self, may you be safe. May you be happy. May you be at peace.

Notice any feelings that arise as you say these words to yourself.

Now, turn your attention to someone with whom you are close. Someone you love and trust. Picture them in your mind. And say to them, may you be safe. May you be happy. May you be at peace.

And, finally, as you are able to do so, bring to mind someone in your pregnancy loss journey who has hurt you, invalidated your experience. Someone you don’t see regularly, if at all, but someone who’s words continue to sting. As you picture them in your mind, say to them, may you be safe. May you be happy. May you be at peace.

Notice any feelings that arise as you say this. If this feels too hard right now, that’s OK. This practice will always be here for you to return to.

Take a few more grounding deep breaths, and when you are ready, bring your attention back to the room. Start to gently move your body in a way that feels good for you, and when you are ready, open your eyes.

Thank you for joining me today. I’ll see you all next week.

*Paid subscribers receive an audio recording of this meditation.