Mindfulness Monday
Validation and Pain
Today, we are going to talk about validation. We are going to identify ways we can validate ourselves, as well as hear and welcome in validation from others.
To get started, let’s get in a comfortable position. Sit with your back straight, your feet planted on the ground, and your hands resting gently in your lap, with palms facing up.
As you drop into our time today, notice your breathing. Is it shallow, or heavy? Are you breathing from your diaphragm, or your chest? Begin to lengthen your breaths. Take in a slow, long inhale. Hold for a moment. And then take a slow, long exhale. As you repeat this, notice how your breath impacts your physical body. Notice if you start to relax physically.
Do this for a few minutes on your own. Inhale slowly. Hold at the top. And exhale slowly.
And now, relax your attention on the breath. Return to a regular breathing pattern.
We live in an invalidating environment. We live in a world where people find our emotions uncomfortable, and the only solution is to shut them down and move on. If we linger in our emotion, we are weak or stuck.
When we are in emotional pain, we are taught to find a solution to the problem. For example, after my second pregnancy loss, I was still feeling very sad after two weeks. I didn’t feel this was an abnormal or concerning amount of time. And yet, I had many people in my life who were very uncomfortable with my grief. One individual suggested I see a psychiatrist: “Take something to help you get through this.” I didn’t need solutions. I needed someone to say, “you’re right, this is painful.”
Growing up in an invalidating environment is the original pain we experience. And this original pain permeates how we experience emotions every day.
Even if no one else in your life is validating your pain, practice validating it yourself. And practice hearing it from others who can validate you.
Yes, I am allowed to feel this pain. My pain is valid and real. My pain means that something I love has been taken from me.
And, now, hear this validation. I care about your pain. Your pain is real. You are allowed to feel this pain as long as you need to experience it. I honor your pain.
As you let this validation come in, notice how you feel. Notice how you respond to it.
Start to bring yourself back to the room. Wiggle your fingers and toes. Feel your back and your feet on the ground. And when you are ready, open your eyes.
Thank you for joining me today. And I will see you all next week.
**The Miscarriage Therapist is not a substitute for psychotherapy. If you need help finding a therapist, don’t hesitate to reach out!**
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