My Thoughts on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
Plus, my upcoming Pregnancy Loss Psychotherapy and Support Groups!
I love the month of October! It’s absolutely my favorite month. I love the crisp air, the changing leaves. I love the farmers’ markets overflowing with pumpkin, squash, and apples. I love turning my garden over to get it ready for the winter frost. In my opinion, October is the best month in the entire year.
But, over the last few years, it’s also become a bittersweet month. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and I have some mixed feelings about it. I learned about this month after my second miscarriage, which took place in January. I remember feeling, for the first time, seen, validated. There was an entire month devoted to my losses! I opened my planner to the month of October, and wrote in big, block letters, “PREGNANCY LOSS AWARENESS MONTH!”
But then, October came. And I suddenly felt heavy. After eight months of anticipation and waiting, I now wanted nothing more than this month to be over. After a few months of therapy, the weight of my first two pregnancy losses has greatly diminished - not disappeared, but I felt had integrated into my day-to-day. My days had purpose again, and the intensity of the loss was no longer front-and-center. But now, out of nowhere, all I could think about were my two pregnancy losses.
Some years, this month has been helpful for me. I have felt connected to my pregnancies and my babies. I’ve felt connected to my husband as we honor them. It’s been a beautiful month of honoring and memorializing. Other years, it’s been hard, and I haven’t wanted to recognize it.
This year, on October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, my husband and I traveled to visit friends in rural Pennsylvania. The Wave of Light, the time when you light a candle to honor your losses, was scheduled for 7pm. As we were driving down, it struck me that we would be with our friends, and not together, just the two of us, lighting a candle. Would we even take a moment to remember tonight, or would the moment pass?
In the end, being with our friends was exactly where we needed to be this October 15th. We spoke about our losses, talked about potential next steps we are considering, and spent a lot of time laughing about things unrelated to our pregnancy losses. It was a different way to honor our babies: in their memory, we created new memories, new connections, and solidified relationships.
And, Remy got to make a new friend also!
Share below: how did you spend your Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day?
In the month of October, I will be holding two more Pregnancy Loss Psychotherapy and Support Groups!
This group will cover:
Navigating grief after a pregnancy loss
Address trauma after a pregnancy loss
Building supports and a community
Therapeutic journaling to process your journey
Addressing shame and shame resilience
Welcoming the New You - defining who you are after a pregnancy loss
Email me at erin@taproottherapynyc.com for more information and to sign up!
The cost for the group is $110. More groups will be offered in November and December.
What I’m Listening to this Month
I have recently discovered The Demisery podcast and Substack. Created by Liz Hansen, it’s a wonderful site with podcasts and essays. Her most recent podcast episode, The Next Miscarriage, discusses recurrent miscarriages, having a “geriatric pregnancy,” and living in Texas post Roe v. Wade.
Click here to learn more about The Demisery!