Pregnancy Loss and... "Bluey?"
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Upcoming Live Event
I’m hosting our next live event on November 21, 12pm EST. This lunch hour is a chance to ask me anything - planning for the upcoming holidays, setting boundaries, how to find a good therapist, and anything else that’s on your mind.
This event is open to all paid subscribers of The Miscarriage Therapist. A link will be sent out the morning of the 21st. If you want to join, simply sign up for a paid subscription (only $5 a month).
Validation in “Bluey”
We’ve been watching a lot of “Bluey” in our home recently. We even recently went to see “Bluey” live (which may explain our family’s recent RSV diagnosis - but that’s a different story!). Last night, we watched an episode titled “Onesies.”
In this episode, Bluey’s aunt, Brandy, visits the family for the first time in four years. They don’t explain why she hasn’t visited, and at one point, she even says it was a mistake she visited and needed to leave. I thought of the numerous reasons why family members drift apart: political differences, an argument over an ex from college that has lingered for years, decisions made regarding aging family members. What happened that Aunt Brandy didn’t visit her sister or nieces for four years?
Bluey asks her mother why Aunt Brandy wanted to leave, and the mother said that Aunt Brandy has always wanted something, but she can’t have it, no matter what she does. This made it difficult to be with her family. The animation accompanying the monologue was clear: Brandy had a history of pregnancy loss and infertility. You can watch the clip here (and, if you’re like me, have your tissue box at your side).
I felt grateful that a children’s show was so poignantly and age-appropriately addressing such a heavy topic. I feel so many of us, in so many conversations, have said, “if we just started talking about pregnancy loss sooner, it might have helped my healing process.”
What follows the reveal of Aunt’s Brandy’s infertility, however, hit me even harder. Brandy’s sister sat next to her. Brandy apologized for being away so long, saying how hard it was for her to be around her nieces. Bluey’s mother responded, “I know,” and held her hand. How validating that felt! No corrections, no trying to fix her feelings, no problem-solving. No shaming or blaming about staying away for a long time. Simply acknowledgement and love.
It helped me reflect on the upcoming holidays and the boundaries many of us are hoping to set this year. Some of us have family members that don’t understand why we can’t be around our pregnant sister-in-law, or our infant cousins. Friends can’t wrap their heads around why we might need space from them this year. Our attempts to set boundaries is often met with anger, frustration, and feeling highly offended.
The amazing things we can learn from a children’s television show.
Has anyone else watched this episode of “Bluey?”
This Week on the Podcast
We are halfway through our 6-week series on “Surviving the Holidays After a Pregnancy Loss.” In week three, I talk about how we set our boundaries with our family members, now that we know what we need to get through this holiday.
If you are listening along, what boundaries are you hoping to set this Thanksgiving?
What I’m Reading This Week
I love Jennie Agg’s Substack! Jennie is the author of Life, Almost (and has also been featured on our podcast). In her latest post, “Now Prove it was a Miscarriage,” she writes about the legal issues surrounding testing women for misoprostol use. It’s a great article. In it, she writes:
Either we have the means to give answers about why and how a pregnancy – any pregnancy – ended in a way that satisfies the standards of the justice system, in which case it should also be possible to give all parents better answers about the reasons for their baby’s death. Or the limits of our medical knowledge make this an unsuitable realm for criminal investigation.
Read more on Jennie’s Substack account. And read her amazing memoir!
I am thinking of you all as we enter this holiday season. I hope that our small community can be a source of support, comfort, and connection during this time. Join me on Instagram, in our support groups, or the Substack community to stay connected.
The Bluey episode is so moving - and so important! (Though if I were to have one note it’s that Bluey’s mum says ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ by way of explanation, which... 🙄🙄) Thanks for your kind words here too. The admiration is mutual! Xx