Surviving the Holidays After a Pregnancy Loss
My upcoming group starts 11/5
The holidays can be hard after a pregnancy loss. How do we survive when we don’t feel like celebrating? How do we cope with seeing family?
One Christmas, I sat in my grandmother’s living room along with my aunt, mother, my two younger cousins and their spouses. One cousin was five months pregnant. She was glowing and radiant.
I was already going into this holiday season a bit hesitant. I was hoping to have my baby in my arms - my first Christmas as a mother. A first holiday season: visits with Santa, Polar Express train rides, a stocking filled with toys.
Instead, I was sad, lonely, and wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and binge watch the last season of “Love is Blind,” while I ate an entire box of Oreos.
I willed myself to attend my grandmother’s Christmas morning celebration.
And that’s when it happened. My other cousin announced her pregnancy. The family cheered. My mother cried.
I went numb.
It’s not uncommon to make big announcements at Christmas. We celebrate and come together as a family. But as a pregnancy loss survivor, the holidays can be a time when we are reminded of what we lost. A time when we watch our nieces and nephews open gifts and play together, as we think, my child would be playing with them right now.
What makes the holidays even harder is that often, our loved ones don’t understand our pain.
They might dismiss it: It’s the holidays! It’s a time to celebrate and be grateful for what you have.
Or, they might be uncomfortable with grief: Don’t worry. By this time next year, you’ll have a baby, and you’ll be missing these days when you got to enjoy the holidays without all of the ruckus.
During this time, we need support.
Starting on November 5th, I will be hosting my annual group, Surviving the Holidays After a Pregnancy Loss. The group will run for six weeks (taking a week off for Thanksgiving), on Tuesdays from 5:30pm - 7pm.
During the group, we will cover:
Week 1: Identifying our emotions this holiday season. What are we feeling as we enter this time? We will spend this week also identifying situations that can activate these emotions. Finally, we will explore our values, and how we can live in alignment with our values this holiday season.
Week 2: Boundaries. What boundaries do I need to put in place to protect my emotions and take care of myself? As Prentis Hemphill said, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
Week 3: Creating an Action Plan to Support Your Boundaries.
Week 4: Building Supports During the Holidays. Where can you find support? Meeting with other loss parents? Spending time with your spouse, or your best friend? Building support is crucial to our wellness.
Week 5: Creating a Map for Our Wellness. By identifying our needs this holiday season, we will create a map to support ourselves, including mapping out mind, body, people, and world needs to support ourselves. This is taking our support to the next level.
Week 6: Putting it all together and putting our support plan into action.
The cost for this group is $300 for all six weeks - and I am offering a few sliding scale and pro bono slots as well! Stay tuned for a detailed outline of the group next week. To sign up or learn more about the group, you can respond to this newsletter, or send me an email at erin@taprootthearpynyc.com.
