Sadly, I hear too many stories of mental health and medical providers using language that is shaming, harmful, unethical, and dismissive. “This is just nature’s way.”
“You’ll try again soon.”
“You’ll forget all about this baby when you have your next baby.”
“You really don’t want to try again?”
“Why don’t you just adopt?”
“It’s just a chemical pregnancy. That doesn’t even really matter.”
Not only is this language harmful for us to hear, but as we internalize this language, we can start to speak to ourselves in this manner. We become dismissive of our own losses, and say things like:
“I should be over this by now.”
“If this isn’t medically a big deal, then why am I so sad?”
“I’m pathetic that I can’t move on.”
“Let me suck it up and get over it. Time to try again…even though I’m terrified to try again. But I shouldn’t be terrified.”
This language is detrimental to our mental health and wellbeing. My hope is that more medical and mental health providers will learn the importance of language in our pregnancy loss, and that we address pregnancy loss in a way that feels supportive. The more we feel supported, the more we can support ourselves.
Over the next two weeks, I’m going to be writing and speaking about the importance of the language we use. We are going to cover topics such as how we speak to ourselves, how we allow others to speak to us, and how we can extend grace to ourselves, our providers, and our friends and family, as we navigate how to speak about pregnancy loss. It’s going to be a practice of connecting with ourselves, advocating for ourselves, and connecting with others.
This is available to paid subscribers of The Miscarriage Therapist! Subscribe by Monday, June 13, so you don’t miss out on this course on language in pregnancy loss!