The Post-Mother's Day Hangover

Coping after Mother's Day

As a miscarriage and pregnancy loss writer, I don’t write often about Mother’s Day. As I went perused my archives, I was surprised to see this.

Then, I realized: Is this the first Mother’s Day I have the energy to write about it?

Mother’s Day can be a complex day for many people. What does having a mother and being a mother mean to us? What does our relationship to motherhood look like? Mother’s Day might mean many different things for us:

• Grieving a mother who has died

• Grieving an emotionally absent mother

• Grieving a baby who never took a breath

• Grieving a child who has died

• Grieving infertility

• Grieving a child who is still alive, but is struggling, or not speaking to us

• Grieving an abusive mother

• Struggling be present with conflicting emotions regarding motherhood

This year, our household felt that last struggle. On one hand, I noticed I had energy to write and reflect on Mother’s Day. I was grateful for my daughter and husband. I wanted to celebrate our journey, our daughter, and the family we created. On the other hand, I still resent the three years we were lost in grief. From 2020 - 2023, Mother’s Day was a day of sadness, lethargy, and traumatic flashbacks. It was a day defined by José and I attempting to force smiles for others throughout the day. When really, all we wanted to do was cover our heads with blankets, shut out the world, and eat entire boxes of Oreos.