The Resources I Never Imagined Needing
What gets us through our pregnancy losses?
Resources to support us through our pregnancy and baby losses are not only scarce, but also, a bit weird to plan for.
I remember asking my doctor, after my second loss, “Why didn’t anyone tell me I could lose this pregnancy??” And, the answer is simple: because we don’t often plan for tragedy in the face of excitement (hence why we often don’t plan for our divorce on our wedding day). As a result, we don’t often know what resources we can even ask for in the wake of our loss.
Moreover, we sometimes don’t even know a resource exists until AFTER we no longer need it. Because a pregnancy loss can be brutal, abrupt, and overwhelming, things are not made known to us in a timely manner.
Things I Wish I Knew Existed
A therapist who specialized specifically in pregnancy loss.
I’ve written many times about the absurd responses I’ve heard from therapists. All from therapists who have not had the proper training to support us. Specialists in pregnancy and baby loss do exist!
A meditation or mindfulness program specific to pregnancy loss.
This is why I started Mindfulness Monday. I found one meditation app, that I actually really liked. But in order to get to the miscarriage-specific meditations, I had to scroll through meditations designed for every week of pregnancy. It was painful to see all of the pregnant weeks I was missing out on. (All paid subscribers receive an audio recording of the Mindfulness Monday meditations. And, in the coming weeks, I am going to expand this offering to include even more specific mindfulness exercises.)
Books that weren’t focusing on healing as fast as possible.
People are uncomfortable with pregnancy loss. Therefore, they want us to get over our pain as quickly as possible and dive back into trying to conceive. But this is unrealistic and invalidating. You do not need to heal from your miscarriage in 30 days or less. You are not flawed if you need a month, a year, or even a lifetime to grieve the loss of your babies. I wish I had known about books that were focused on personal stories, without a resolution. Memoirs that felt validating and supportive. Some of my favorites are:
All the Love, by Kim Hooper
Life, Almost, by Jennie Agg (she also has an amazing Substack account!)
Catalogue Baby, by Myriam Steinberg
I Had a Miscarriage, by Jessica Zucker
What resources have you found helpful in your journey?
What do we need more of as a community to support us?
Are there resources you know you need, but you can’t seem to find anywhere?