Guest Writer: Danielle Tal
Danielle Tal is one of our new clinicians seeing clients. She specializes in working with shame and shame resilience after pregnancy loss. You can read more about Danielle and her work here.
Announcements
Our upcoming pregnancy loss support group starts Thursday, November 9th, at 7pm EST. This support group is completely free, and open to anyone who has experienced a pregnancy loss at any stage.
To learn more, or to sign up, visit our website.
Shame Resilience and Pregnancy Loss
Pregnancy loss is an emotional rollercoaster, usually accompanied by a profound sense of grief, devastation, and isolation. It can also come with other unexpected and often overwhelming emotions, like shame, guilt, and self-blame. Complex feelings like these make navigating an already painful situation even more difficult. You might be wondering how you can cope with shame, and that is where the concept of shame resilience comes in. Shame resilience, a concept introduced by Dr. Brené Brown, empowers people to recognize, manage, and respond to shame in a healthy and adaptive way.
1. Recognizing Shame. Acknowledging the presence of shame is a crucial first step. This means validating the shame rather than suppressing or denying it. Shame is a natural response to a deeply emotional and unexpected event. You might feel like your body has betrayed you or that you are somehow at fault for the loss. Try your best to recognize these feelings without judgment.
2. Normalizing Shame. Pregnancy loss is more common than you might think, and so are the accompanying feelings of shame and self-blame. It’s important to recognize and understand that you are not alone in your experience and feelings.
3. Understanding What Activates Shame. Shame can be activated by specific thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and situations. After a pregnancy loss, some of these activators might look like thoughts of self-blame or comparing yourself to friends and families who have given birth. It’s important to recognize what activates shame so that you can face it.
4. Practicing Self-Compassion. Self-compassion is the practice of giving ourselves encouragement and support. Instead of being self-critical, treat yourself with the same compassion that you would a close friend who was going through the same thing. Tell yourself that you are deserving of kindness.
5. Sharing and Connection. You can help address your shame by sharing your experiences with people you trust and love, and by connecting with others who have gone through pregnancy loss, as it can help you feel less alone and feel more supported.
Navigating pregnancy loss with shame resilience is about recognizing that your feelings are valid. It requires self-compassion, connection, and self-reflection. There is no right or wrong way to go through this and grieve. Seeking professional help from a therapist or support group, along with support from loved ones, can be an important resource in helping you move through this experience.